утренний кофе (Rewritten especially for a Valentine reading at yoga class)

Пронусь, моя любовь. Я приготовил кофе особенно для тебя. А ты так красива когда ты лежишь на диване. ты ведь самая красивая женшина вдоль целой длине авенью лексингтон.
Что? Конечно знаю,что лексингтон авенью один квартал. Ну, ничего. Даже было бы десять кварталов, ты еще была бы самая красивая.
Кто, моя спутница жизни? Люда? Ты шучишь. Она ходит как гиппопотам. Ты гораздо более красивая.
Ктo? Это две молодые женшины, koторые живут в конце улицы? Они вбегают в машину как испуганные зайцы. Да,они ппивлекательныеб ну они просто молодые. А твоя красота, моя любовь, твоя красота несвоевременная. Даже с похмельем ты самая красивая.
Кто? Эрика? Да, Эрика. Ты не знаещь, моя жена века, что я написал этот рассказок год назад до того что она переехала сюда. Твой кофе готов.

Happy Valentine's Day (Translated from Russian)

"Wake up, my love. I have made coffee for you. And you are so beautiful laying there on the sofa. You are indeed the most beautiful woman the entire length of Lexington Avenue."
"What's that? Of course I know that Lexington Avenue is only one block long. So what? Even if it were ten blocks long, you would still be the most beautiful.

"Who? Luda? You're joking? She waddles like a hippopotamus. You are much more beautiful."
"Who? Those two girls at the end of the street? Theyrun to their car like scared rabbits. Yes, they are attractive, but they are young. But your beauty, my sputnik of life, your beauty is timeless. Even with a hangover, you are still the most beautiful."
Who's that? Erika? Yes, Erika. Well, you know, my wife of the century, I wrote this little piece a year ago and that was before she moved onto the street. Here is your coffee, my dear."

Московский закат (Moscow Sunset)

Here is my new Russian Harlequin Romance- a seven page turner about Nadia. She has a date with Mr. Perfect, but first she must deal with a leaking sink, an incompetent handyman, noisy neighbors, and an author who leaves her stuck in the elevator for a year. "I can't wait to get to the ending." is one typical review.

Thank you Phoenix for letting me read one page from it in Russian at yoga class.

A Personal Record

For many years we had four cats and a dog. But this was the only time that we were all together at one time on the sofa. From left to right: me, Hobo, Blackie, Cicero, Tinkie, and Busby Berkeley.

Blackie

Blackie was a beloved member of our family for the last 19 years. The"Big Lug" always had a shiny coat and a shiny disposition. I don't think he ever hissed and he always ran from trouble. When it was time for him to say goodbye, I held him up to Tinkie. She gave him a final hiss to say- I'll see you in Hell; I never liked you. But the rest of us will miss him. Blackie is now in a place of honor out back by the brick wall.

Blackie's Big Adventure

Blackie didn't do much. He didn't need to. Mostly, he just ate and slept. But one day the Skadberg kids came a-knocking, and Blackie ran up to the attic to hide. At 4A.M. I woke up. There was scratching sound in the corner of the bedroom behind the armoire. At first I thought it was a squirrel outside on the drainpipe. Then I realized that something was inside the wall. I took a hammer and punched a hole in the wall. There was Blackie perched on the electric box. He had crawled under the attic floor and fallen down wall cavity. He could have easily fallen all the way to the basement and we might never have heard him.